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for blair [08 Jan 2008|03:58pm] today i took a walk and went to "our place" forced my way thru branches and brambles to feel close to you, to get to the clearing where the air drifts up fresh from the river where we used to sit on great wild treetrunks old beercans scattered among the leaves-- i thought you would never leave, thought only death would ever come between us and truthfully i never even thought it would, and i laughed in its face but now something worse has taken place i miss you but i'm all cried out come on

[15 Dec 2007|01:28am] i wonder if everything i write about in my journal is a drag. or maybe its mostly positive. maybe it alternates between the two extremes, so i was thinking i'd really like to make a mediocre journal entry. school's okay, life's okay. i have too many situations to worry about with the male sex, as usual. making music is cool. seeing people i like is cool. not seeing other people i like isn't. i'm not sure how this is turning out. i have an exam tomorrow (saturday!?) and i haven't studied yet so i guess i will now. i put the band's cd on myspace: http://www.myspace.com/travelingmiras and if you don't have myspace, here is a really great picture compliments of madeline taylor: it looks like we're in love with not only each other, but the world 1 come on

[09 Dec 2007|09:31pm] i've been so fucking lonely lately, and out of the last three cuddle buddies i've had, two of them tried to get in my pants while i was unconscious (i woke up with a hand in my pants). dennis and travis left tonight (the traveling miras, our brief two-day music project, recorded a cd two nights ago and played a show last night). they inspired me so much, really got me stoked about making music again. it always feels so empty in my house after i've had kids staying here, and i hate it. i'm moving this week, not sure where. maybe just out. after my exams, i'm hopefully headed to austin or florida, but i've gotta set up a ride because i don't think my car will make it with the front right side bashed in from the wreck i got in on monday (some asshole hit me and drove off). i keep seeking fulfillment in places i know i can't find it. same ol story. 2 come on

poetry assignment: a letter [13 Nov 2007|06:11pm] for TWL and KGP Dear Travis, I often think back to that night in the cemetary. Twenty years old, we were sloppy philosophical drunk and angry at the world. Guzzling down the last sip, then smashing our bottles on the headstones, broken brown glass shimmering beautiful in the moonlight over a mess of wilted rose petals decorating some extravagant memorial for a woman whose face we'd never know: Judith Renee Dalton 1937-2001 Loving wife and mother (but who really knows, right?) Next thing I remember, there's a flashlight in my face burning holes through my pupils and I'm squinting, unable to make anything out except for your voice, yelling something about "SHIT--COPS--RUN!" (even though we both knew the odds were against us) so I did. I ran without looking back, past rows of headstones that seemed to go on forever ducking through the entrance gate then flying down the desolate paved boulevard, cutting through the alley at 6th and Main finally stopping just a minute to catch my breath. It was then I noticed you weren't with me, that in fact it was entirely possible you didn't even make it to the gate. I heard they locked you up with a sentence of at least a year. "Criminal trespassing," they told your mother who cried and looked at you like you'd been transformed with those words into some kind of monster. But I know you're no criminal. I know I cheated fate; I should be there with you with only a cot and a pack of smokes to my name, three square meals a day and thirty-six square feet of living space. I thought I saw you somewhere up North in a faded orange jumpsuit, collecting garbage from the side of a rural highway, sweating in the dry heat of summer, and I wanted to write you, to tell you I'm sorry, that sometimes things happen so quickly you don't even have time to think. By the time you get this letter, I'll be miles away from Bangor, Maine where it was postmarked and you probably won't hear from me again but I know that one day, we'll run into each other and it'll be like old times again. Take care of yourself, Paul 2 come on

for the first time in my life... [10 Nov 2007|04:00pm] i've been listening to mellon collie and the infinite sadness over and over. dead eyes, dead eyes are you just like me? her eyes, her eyes were as vacant as the sea and nobody nowhere understands anything about me and all my dreams lost at sea and what you never knew can never get to you so fake it tomorrow's just an excuse away and you can make it last forever you can make it last forever you can make it last forever 3 come on

just another shitty writer [07 Nov 2007|08:50pm] i've been thinking a lot about writing lately. i realized recently that i'm really not that great of a writer, and i've been doing a lot of expanding: reading new things, trying to write differently than i always have. i've been pretty frustrated with this whole writing thing this past week; just realizing how it isn't something i really have a choice about, it's in my bones, and i've actually gotta work at it. i have this assignment for poetry class, a "copycat" poem. i have to write something in the style of someone else. i went to the library today looking at anthologies of american poetry, and i got nothin. any ideas from anybody? i'm partial to heavy description and fresh imagery, and preferably no rhyme scheme. i miss that schoolbus fulla kids. 2 come on

[20 Oct 2007|10:44pm] i'm so fucking antsy. being stuck in a box staring at a box all day isn't helping. gogol bordello is playing in new orleans tonight but i'm stuck here thanks to lsu game traffic. i can't wait til ghost mice again, they always pick me up. lebowskifest is this week... what a great idea, huh? i'm feeding tomorrow at the levee at 2pm. come if you're hungry or if you wanna help! oh, and i'm finally at the point where i just don't give a shit. and i have staph (again) so i can't drink cause i'm on antibiotics. but it's not the deadly kind. man all i want right now is a fuckin mickey's, but i guess i'll just go run around the yard with my dog.

[18 Oct 2007|12:02am] i got new tattoos today... sometimes i have trouble sleeping alone. i'm feeling impatient about the zine. tonight matthew sang me to sleep; i think he might be an angel... gotta nod out

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